I grew up in pretty much a
Christian home. Most of my life, I went to church
with my family, but I didn’t have God. I
knew God in my head, and I believed in Him. But,
I didn’t have God in my heart.
I was entering my freshman year of high school and I was basically on the path
of destruction. I was around the completely wrong crowd and I totally lived my
life for the world – for guys and material things. I just felt so unsatisfied
and I just kept searching for something, but I didn’t know what it was.
I felt so empty and I always had to have someone make me feel worthy and satisfied,
but it always ended up being temporary. I had a hole in my heart, and it was
in the shape of Jesus. Only he could fill it. I had tried to fill it with everything
of the world, but nothing fit. There were always empty spaces. I tried to fill
my life with the world, when Jesus was the only one who could fill my broken
In the August of 2003, a close friend of mine, Aaron (who is a Christian) spoke to me for about 2 minutes about how I was living my life. He said that I was living for boys and that I should be living for God. After he mentioned the thought of looking into God that night, it had caught my interest, but I was always too scared to speak up and ask him. I didnít want to give up the life that I had. I didnít think that God could fill me; I thought guys were doing a good job.
So, I kept on living my life and one night in late August, there was a Student Venture meeting for the freshman football players and cheerleaders. I was determined to go to that meeting, but I had no way of getting there because my parents werenít home. So I ended up going next door to my neighbor and he took me there. I got to the meeting and I thought everything was pretty cool. I thought that Christians were always weird, loser kids who had no lives and did nothing that was fun. I was definitely wrong, so I decided to join a bible study with my cheerleading squad. Amanda Yacabucchi and Darby were my leaders and God was really working though Amanda and Darby through that bible study. I started to have a little relationship with God, but it didnít really feel any different. I still wasnít living for him and I was so unsatisfied. My heart was so empty. January came around and I attended FastBreak, which is a conference over 4 days with Student Venture. At that time, I was on the freshman cheerleading squad and we had a game for basketball that Saturday night. And it was one of those games that we couldnít miss because Varsity was away at competition so we had to cover for them. That Saturday night was also the night they spoke about relationships. The night I had to be there, I couldnít go. So I left Cocoa and went back home, went to the game, and then I went back to Cocoa, missing everything.
The following day I was out on the beach with one of my friends Luis. One of our Student Venture leaders, Chad, had spoken to Luis saying that he needs to talk to me about how Iím living my life. So we went out on the beach and walked down to Ron Jonís. On the way there as God was speaking to me through Luis, I could totally see that I wasnít living my life the way that I needed to be. Through Luis, God had said that I need to grow spiritually when Iím dating someone, and that without God, I will be led into temptation and into sin. He showed me that being a Christian isnít just about what you believe that it is a lot about your actions as well. I needed to show that I was a Christian. And that Godís love is so satisfying that I donít need any person of the world to fill it. That all I need in my life is God and I will be good to go for the rest of my life. I needed to change a countless number of things, and was realizing that I was living for the wrong reasons. I was pretty in shock and speechless but everything started to hit me at once. Thatís why I wasnít satisfied, I was missing God. I never thought that it would be Him I was missing, but it was all along. I needed to stop living for the world. I knew that it was going to be tough, but it was going to be the best thing in the end. Through Luis, God was working in me and transforming my heart to see that I was in need of change. So from that point on, I re-dedicated myself to Christ and I gave everything to Him.
I donít think that I would have got much out of FastBreak if God wasnít working through Luis. It was then that I realized that I was living wrong and that I needed to make a complete 180 degree change.
So from that day on, I have had the most intimate relationship with God, which I never thought was going to happen. And because of that relationship, another relationship had started to develop, very, very unexpectedly. Luis was there for me a lot, especially when I needed Godly advice from a maleís perspective. God was working in the both of us and Luis helped me grow into the person that I am now. We developed into a spiritual relationship and it was totally Godís doing. We had prayer together; whenever he dropped me off we would stop in the Timber Creek parking lot and just pray. We would go through the Bible a lot and just really read Godís word.
We started what we call our triangle when we first started to date. On the two bottom points are Luis and I, and at the top point is God. We wanted God to be the top priority of our relationship and would try to never let our triangle be broken. If it was broken, it would become a ďUĒ and that is something that we always tried to stay away from. It wasnít going to be a relationship with just me and Luis, it was going to be with Luis, God and I. So we had the most amazing relationship ever, and I had never connected with someone like that. Everything was going great, and we had basically no problems with our relationship.
Until one day, I had a talk with my mom. My mom and I are really close and I tell her like everything. So, she said to me that she didnít want me with Luis anymore. All the time she talks about how awesome he is, how great of a guy he is, how much she loves him, and how nobody has even compared to him. I was totally devastated. How could my mom like this kid so much, but not want me to be with him? We had an awesome Godly relationship and it made no sense whatsoever.
Luis and I thought that the devil was trying to trick us, because we knew that we were had God with us. So I disobeyed my parents and I started to lose my relationship with my mom. We were constantly fighting (which never happens) and I felt like I couldnít come to her anymore. Luis and I were so lost on what to do and just prayed about it all the time.
Then one day at the very end of May, a couple days before Getaway (a conference with Student Venture for a week) I had a very scary quiet time. I just opened my Bible up randomly and read a random verse. It was Ephesians 3:1-6, which basically says, ďObey your parents.Ē So I immediately closed my Bible and was like ďNuh uh, not obeying.Ē So I tried it again, I opened up my Bible randomly, and it landed on a different verse this time. It was Colossians 3:20, which again basically said ďObey your parents.Ē So then I started to get a little freaked out and wondered if God was really talking through my mom. So I really prayed about it before Getaway that I would truly understand what God wanted me to do with our relationship.
At Getaway, I had another quiet time and ended up with 3 more random verses. It was then that I realized that I had to talk to Luis about what was going on. So one night out on the beach, he was checking up on how I was doing spiritually and asked me what I wanted to learn while at Getaway. I told him basically that I wanted to know when God is speaking to me, and if He is, how should I obey. He immediately knew that it was about our relationship, and we were totally just broken. He suggested that we just keep praying about it and see how it goes.
Well, it kept happening. 18 times exactly. Each time, a different verse, saying to either obey your parents, obey God, that discipline is good, and talking about Godís love. While God was speaking to me this whole time, he was preparing Luis for what was going to happen in the future. To just be strong and know that God is with him. Luis and I really looked into it and thatís when he decided that because we gave our relationship to God, that we would have to give it back. God was really speaking to both of us, and we had to obey, even though it was the last thing on earth that we wanted to do. Since I am a very indecisive person, Luis suggested that the last day of GetAway would be our last day together. June 6, our three month anniversary. We were going to have the best four days together and know that it is all for a good reason that we were going to break up, we just didnít see it yet. We had to put our trust in God 100% and know that we only go through discipline because he loves us so much.
During that week, we taught each other so much. God was working incredibly. Through all of the sorrow and trouble, I grew in my walk with Christ tremendously. God puts people in our life for reasons that we canít even imagine; and yet he can take them out in a heartbeat to see our dedication to Him. But in the end, it is always for an awesome reason that we canít see. One thing that I really learned from this experience was being able to surrender everything to God. He gave His life for us, so we should be able to give everything back to Him. Itís something that is a lot easier said than done. It just really goes to show that Godís ways are truly mysterious.